The Big Post of Writing Advice

Write, pray, love…among other things. Sage advice from Kurt Vonnegut, Neil Gaiman, Elmore Leonard, Jonathan Franzen, Margaret Atwood, and Pixar.

Kurt Vonnegut: 8 Basics of Creative Writing

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

4. Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.

5. Start as close to the end as possible.

6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order
that the reader may see what they are made of.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

The greatest American short story writer of my generation was Flannery O’Connor (1925-1964). She broke practically every one of my rules but the first. Great writers tend to do that.

(Via WritingClasses.com)

Neil Gaiman’s 8 Good Writing Practices

1. Write.

2. Put one word after another. Find the right word, put it down.

3. Finish what you’re writing. Whatever you have to do to finish it, finish it.

4. Put it aside. Read it pretending you’ve never read it before. Show it to friends whose opinion you respect and who
like the kind of thing that this is.

5. Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.

6. Fix it. Remember that, sooner or later, before it ever reaches perfection, you will have to let it go and move on and start to write the next thing. Perfection is like chasing the horizon. Keep moving.

7. Laugh at your own jokes.

8. The main rule of writing is that if you do it with enough assurance and confidence, you’re allowed to do whatever you like. (That may be a rule for life as well as for writing. But it’s definitely true for writing.) So write your story as it needs to be written. Write it honestly, and tell it as best you can. I’m not sure that there are any other rules. Not ones that matter.

(via The Guardian)

Elmore Leonard’s 10 Rules

1. Never open a book with weather.

2. Avoid prologues.

3. Never use a verb other than “said” to carry dialogue.

4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb “said”…he admonished gravely.

5. Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.

6. Never use the words “suddenly” or “all hell broke loose.”

7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly.

8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.

9. Don’t go into great detail describing places and things.

10. Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.

My most important rule is one that sums up the 10. If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.

(Via WritingClasses.com)

Jonathan Franzen: 10 Rules of Writing

1. The reader is a friend, not an adversary, not a spectator.

2. Fiction that isn’t an author’s personal adventure into the frightening or the unknown isn’t worth writing for anything but money.

3. Never use the word “then” as a ­conjunction – we have “and” for this purpose. Substituting “then” is the lazy or tone-deaf writer’s non-solution to the problem of too many “ands” on the page.

4. Write in the third person unless a ­really distinctive first-person voice ­offers itself irresistibly.

5. When information becomes free and universally accessible, voluminous research for a novel is devalued along with it.

6. The most purely autobiographical ­fiction requires pure invention. Nobody ever wrote a more auto­biographical story than “The Metamorphosis”.

7. You see more sitting still than chasing after.

8. It’s doubtful that anyone with an internet connection at his workplace is writing good fiction [the TIME magazine cover story detailed how Franzen physically disables the Net portal on his writing laptop].

9. Interesting verbs are seldom very interesting.

10. You have to love before you can be relentless.

(via The Guardian)

Margaret Atwood: 10 Rules of Writing

1. Take a pencil to write with on aeroplanes. Pens leak. But if the pencil breaks, you can’t sharpen it on the plane, because you can’t take knives with you. Therefore: take two pencils.

2. If both pencils break, you can do a rough sharpening job with a nail file of the metal or glass type.

3. Take something to write on. Paper is good. In a pinch, pieces of wood or your arm will do.

4. If you’re using a computer, always safeguard new text with a ­memory stick.

5. Do back exercises. Pain is distracting.

6. Hold the reader’s attention. (This is likely to work better if you can hold your own.) But you don’t know who the reader is, so it’s like shooting fish with a slingshot in the dark. What ­fascinates A will bore the pants off B.

7. You most likely need a thesaurus, a rudimentary grammar book, and a grip on reality. This latter means: there’s no free lunch. Writing is work. It’s also gambling. You don’t get a pension plan. Other people can help you a bit, but ­essentially you’re on your own. ­Nobody is making you do this: you chose it, so don’t whine.

8. You can never read your own book with the innocent anticipation that comes with that first delicious page of a new book, because you wrote the thing. You’ve been backstage. You’ve seen how the rabbits were smuggled into the hat. Therefore ask a reading friend or two to look at it before you give it to anyone in the publishing business. This friend should not be someone with whom you have a ­romantic relationship, unless you want to break up.

9. Don’t sit down in the middle of the woods. If you’re lost in the plot or blocked, retrace your steps to where you went wrong. Then take the other road. And/or change the person. Change the tense. Change the opening page.

10. Prayer might work. Or reading ­something else. Or a constant visual­isation of the holy grail that is the finished, published version of your resplendent book.

(via The Guardian)

Pixar’s 22 Rules of Storytelling

Former Pixar storyboard artist Emma Coats tweeted these nuggets of narrative wisdom.

1: You admire a character for trying more than for their successes.

2: You gotta keep in mind what’s interesting to you as an audience, not what’s fun to do as a writer. They can be v.
different.

3: Trying for theme is important, but you won’t see what the story is actually about til you’re at the end of it. Now rewrite.

4: Once upon a time there was ___. Every day, ___. One day ___. Because of that, ___. Because of that, ___. Until finally ___.

5: Simplify. Focus. Combine characters. Hop over detours. You’ll feel like you’re losing valuable stuff but it sets you free.

6: What is your character good at, comfortable with? Throw the polar opposite at them. Challenge them. How do they deal?

7: Come up with your ending before you figure out your middle. Seriously. Endings are hard, get yours working up front.

8: Finish your story, let go even if it’s not perfect. In an ideal world you have both, but move on. Do better next time.

9: When you’re stuck, make a list of what WOULDN’T happen next. Lots of times the material to get you unstuck will show up.

10: Pull apart the stories you like. What you like in them is a part of you; you’ve got to recognize it before you can use it.

11: Putting it on paper lets you start fixing it. If it stays in your head, a perfect idea, you’ll never share it with anyone.

12: Discount the 1st thing that comes to mind. And the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th – get the obvious out of the way. Surprise yourself.

13: Give your characters opinions. Passive/malleable might seem likable to you as you write, but it’s poison to the audience.

14: Why must you tell THIS story? What’s the belief burning within you that your story feeds off of? That’s the heart of it.

15: If you were your character, in this situation, how would you feel? Honesty lends credibility to unbelievable situations.

16: What are the stakes? Give us reason to root for the character. What happens if they don’t succeed? Stack the odds against.

17: No work is ever wasted. If it’s not working, let go and move on – it’ll come back around to be useful later.

18: You have to know yourself: the difference between doing your best & fussing. Story is testing, not refining.

19: Coincidences to get characters into trouble are great; coincidences to get them out of it are cheating.

20: Exercise: take the building blocks of a movie you dislike. How d’you rearrange them into what you DO like?

21: You gotta identify with your situation/characters, can’t just write ‘cool’. What would make YOU act that way?

22: What’s the essence of your story? Most economical telling of it? If you know that, you can build out from there.

(Via Laughing Squid)

SHORT STORY SALE: “The Zombie Who Had a Name” to Bards & Sages Quarterly

What’s with me and zombies? It probably began when I was four or five, scared out of my mind, hiding under the dining room table as “Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things” played on the TV in the next room. (It was most likely playing on WPIX’s Chiller Theatre. Remember that?) That final scene when the undead get on a boat and head for the bright lights of the big city haunted me for a long time. Of all the movie monsters, zombies have probably disturbed me the most. They’ve also been pretty good for my burgeoning fiction-writing career.

Bards & Sages Quarterly just bought my short story “The Zombie Who Had a Name,” which follows a recently animated corpse as it travels through the apocalypse. It should be out in October, just in time for Halloween. The funny part? This is my third short story sale–and in each there’s a zombie (though they’re more of the sympathetic variety than the scary kind).

So here’s my dilemma: Do I continue writing about the walking dead or bury (heh-heh-heh) the zombies for the time being?

The Last Man on Earth Sat Alone in a Room…What Else Was He Supposed to Do?

Today One Forty Fiction published my microfiction tale “Who’s There? Who Cares?”

Stories don’t open better than Fredric Brown’s 1948 short story “Knock.” (“The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.”) It’s so good an opening that the rest of the story is often forgotten. One day I started riffing on those 17 words, and couldn’t stop. Go read “Who’s There? Who Cares?” and then check out my other six variations. Feel free to join the fun with your own microfiction.

1. The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door. He didn’t hear it. He was wearing headphones.

2. The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door. It was just the wind. He went to bed.

3. The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door. “Great! I didn’t miss the last man on Earth con,” said the stranger as he entered.

4. The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door. It was the last woman on Earth. She looked pissed.

5. The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door. He didn’t answer it. He liked being the last man on Earth.

6. The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door. Fucking Avon Lady, he grumbled.

At Year’s End: Holiday SFF Stories Is Here!

At Year's End: Holiday SFF StoriesI’ve been published! The flash fiction anthology “At Year’s End: Holiday SFF Stories,” which includes my story “They Will Be Home for Christmas,” came out today. Though it was my second story to be accepted this year, it’s my first to be published. So, it’s a pretty historic book. Buy it. All the holiday-themed stories are 500 words or less — some are poignant, some are funny, some are dark, and others, like mine, are dark and funny.

Table of Contents:
“Foreword” by L. Lambert Lawson
“A Unicorn for Christmas” by Beth Cato
“When Friends Come to Call” by Zach Shephard
“Autumn Waits” by Ken MacGregor
“Nuclear Family” by Alex Shvartsman
“The Christmas Zombie” by James S. Dorr
“Mission Log, Day 67″ by Lance Schonberg
“Resolution” by Amanda M. Hayes
“The Conjurer” by Alicia Cole
“Nativity” by Brandon Alspaugh
“History Lessons” by Sandra McDonald
“Gifted” by Dan Hart
“Mistletoe” by Casey Peterson
“New Year’s Revolution” by Katherine Sparrow
“They Will Be Home for Christmas” by James Aquilone
“In the Bleak Midwinter” by Michael H. Payne
“The Greatest Tiger Lantern of All” by J. Deery Wray
“A Visit, A Gift” by Matthew Johnson
“Electric Hatsuyume” by Deborah Walker
“A Reason to Linger” Alexis A. Hunter

Buy “At Year’s End: SFF Holiday Stories” for Kindle or Nook.

God’s Handiwork

God's Handiwork

Short Fiction Recommendations

“Scraps” by Michael Haynes:
A poignant story about the power of memories, both good and bad.

“Burning Love” by Jeff James:
Quirky, humorous story about a sentient toaster. Fun read.

“Robot” by Helena Bell:
I’m usually not a fan of stories told in second person, but in this case it works. Powerful language. Moving story.

“Mantis Wives” by Kij Johnson:
Another awesome, unusual story from Kij. Makes me happy I’m not married to a mantis.

“You Bet” by Alex Shvartsman:
Fun story about tropes playing Texas Hold’em. Nice payoff at the end.

Untitled Webcomic

Untitled Webcomic

My First Anthology Appearance

O frabjous day! I’m going to be in an anthology!

I’ve just sold a short story called “They Will Be Home Christmas” to Kazka Press for its upcoming anthology “At Year’s End: SFF Holiday Stories.” It’s my first sale to an anthology and I’m psyched. My fellow Codexians Alex Shvartsman and Beth Cato will also be in the book, which comes out December 3rd, in print and electronic forms. As I always say, “There’s no better Christmas gift than a book.” I’ll have ordering info as soon as it’s available.

Together, We Can Stop Book Abuse!

Yeah, don't do thisI fucking loathe people who dog-ear the pages of books. I cringe when I see creased book spines. Waterlogged books, their pages bloated and swollen, send me into a fury. I want to shout at these book abusers: “What’s wrong with you fucking animals! Ever hear of a bookmark!?” Instead, I silently hope for a safe, anvil or large piano to fall on the person’s head. To date, this has not happened. (But I believe it will one day. I’m like 99.9% sure of it.)

Every day, everywhere, books are being abused. Their pages are folded, their spines cracked, their covers stained. They are mutilated and jammed into backpacks, often alongside harmful, sticky liquids, such as Peach Snapple or Mountain Dew; books are torn, ripped, scratched, even destroyed! And the final insult? These travesties are committed by so-called “book lovers.” Ha! Do dog lovers crease their pets’ spine, I ask? Do art lovers bend their Picassos?

Much like global warming, book abuse is a serious but largely ignored issue. Here are some facts. (No, I cannot back up any of them.)

  • Every two seconds a page is dog-eared, causing a crease that cannot, even with a flat iron, be made smooth again.
  • Every five seconds a book’s spine is cracked beyond repair.
  • Every ten seconds a book is “accidentally” drowned in the bathtub.
  • 1 out of every 500 divorces in the U.S. is filed after one of the spouses defaces the other’s books.

Why do people abuse books? For the same reason, I suppose, that people text and drive, smokers toss their cigarette butts on the ground, TV viewers watch the Kardashians: They’re jerks.

Something needs to be done. The time to sit idly by while books, some of them even well written, are ruined. (I’ve been known to throw out a book after it’s been defaced; better to put it out of its misery than have it sit looking all bent out of shape and warped in my bookcase.)

So how do we stop these book abusers? Capital punishment, for starters. Murder a book, we murder you. Fair is fair. This will be a long, drawn-out campaign, and there’s no guarantee we will prevail. But that shouldn’t stop us. In the meantime, books are falling by the thousands every day. So, until we start sending book abusers to the chair, there’s still something you can do to end book abuse: Buy a fucking bookmark! *

Together, we can end book abuse.

(*I am in no way affiliated with the Bookmark Sellers of America.)

Short Fiction Recommendations

Here are some stories I enjoyed in the past week. Click the links and enjoy them too!

“My Wife Hates Time Travel” by Adam-Troy Castro:
A fun, sweet story about the problems with inventing time travel. One of those stories you wish you had written.

“In the Mirror’s Heart” by Cat Rambo:
A powerful and poetic story about the madness of love. Worth a second read.

“Saviors” by James Beamon:
Quick paced, well-told tale about “MEAT.” (You have to read it to understand.) Extra points given for the author mentioning himself in the story.

“The Ogre King and the Piemaker” by Tarl Kudrick:
If Yogi Bear was an ogre, this would be his story. Silly, fun, enjoyable read.

“The Duelist” by Jason Thummel:
More talk than swordplay, but the talk was just as exciting. (However, I hope Black Gate reconsiders posts with blue text on a black background. It doesn’t make for easy reading.)