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Burning Questions #4: How Did We Lose the Vietnam War?

Stallone, Schwarzenegger. NorrisOur silver-screen Vietnam vets were kicking ass in the 1980s. Sylvester Stallone was taking on entire towns armed with a sneer, Arnold Schwarzenegger was cracking necks with his bare hands, and Chuck Norris was doing, uh…(actually I’ve never seen any of those Missing in Action movies, but I’m sure Chuck was doing the exact same thing as Stallone). As John Rambo, John Matrix, Alan “Dutch” Schaefer, and James Braddock, our celluloid heroes were one-man armies; no one could stop them, not even invisible Rasta aliens.

So, how in the heck, dear readers, did we lose the Vietnam war with such badasses on our side?

My answer: We didn’t lose Vietnam. It was a tie. (Extra points if you know what movie that quote comes from.)